I was greatly saddened to hear of the death of Her Majesty The Queen.
She is the longest-reigning monarch in British history, having served as Queen for 70 years. Her reign saw her travel more widely than any other monarch, visiting over 100 countries on official state visits to the Commonwealth and beyond.
To me, she was an extraordinary woman who fulfilled her destiny with dedication, dignity, and grace.
As I listened to the news and watched Facebook become filled with tributes to the Queen, I was surprised to find myself feeling overwhelmed with sadness. It triggered thoughts of my own losses, particularly of my Dad and Aunt who were of a similar generation.
Grief is a Normal Response
The feeling of emptiness and sadness is a normal response to grief. I’m sure we have all experienced loss at some time in our lives. Whilst everyone responds differently, unresolved grief is often a major unrecognised factor in a wide range of other difficulties such as lack of motivation, depression, chronic illness, and mid-life crisis.
Remember the Good Times
Often when you are grieving you can get stuck on recalling the ending rather than remembering the loving connection. This ending of the relationship is not the precious experience that the person is grieving for.
Instead, think about what you loved and appreciated about the lost relationship. This may be a special memory, happy times spent together, or what you admired or appreciated about that person.
Speak with Softness and Caring
When you speak about the person you lost, speak with softness and caring. Talk about the happy times, the things that made you smile, or that made them truly them.
Remember the things they used to say or do. I often find myself saying “Dad would have loved that”.
Imagine They are still Present
When you think about your lost loved one, it can help to think of them as if they were still present – this can help you recall all the good feelings that you had during the actual relationship.
When I think about my Dad I often recall things he would do, such as eating an orange every day. If I’m choosing an orange, I will think “which orange would Dad like”, and imagine that he is with me helping me choose the best one.
You could try recalling your lost loved one in a similar way to thinking about someone you love who is physically absent for a short time. Think now of someone who is very special to you in an existing relationship, but who is not physically near you now, but you know you will see again.
Notice how you think about this person – what images, sounds or voices, and feelings come to mind? Psychologists call this ability “object constancy.” It can help you to enjoy all the warm feelings that are part of that relationship whilst giving yourself time to deal with your grief.
It’s OK to Grieve
Remember grieving takes time. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be sad. Grieving is a way to honour those that have past. What better way to honour your loved one can there be than to carry them joyfully in your heart with you every day?
Remembering Queen Elizabeth II
I learned recently, thanks to the power of social media, that Queen Elizabeth trained as a mechanic and a truck driver in the army. Queen Elizabeth (then Princess Elizabeth) was the first female member of the royal family to be an active member of the armed forces. She was also the first Queen to ride a motorbike!
One of her major joys was to get dirt under her nails and grease stains in her hands, and display these signs of labour to her friends.”
Irving Wallace Colliers Magazine 1947
This just makes me love her more. She worked hard her whole life and devoted her life to the service of her subjects and her country. Our Queen – such a truly remarkable lady. I’m sure she will be missed by so many of us.
Rest in Peace.
1926-2022
Read more about help with grief